Sunday, September 03, 2006

God's Voicemail-Too funny not to share!

Most of us have now learned to live with voice mail as a necessary part of our lives. Have you ever wondered what it would be like if God decided to install voice mail?

Imagine praying and hearing the following:

Thank you for calling heaven.

For English, press 1
For Spanish, press 2
For all other languages, press 3

Please select one of the following options:

Press 1 for a prayer request
Press 2 for thanksgiving
Press 3 for complaints
Press 4 for all others

I am sorry, all our Angels and Saints are busy helping other sinners right now. However, your prayer is important to us and we will answer it in the order it was received. Please stay on the line.


If you would like to speak to:

God, press 1
Jesus, press 2
Holy spirit, press 3

To find a loved one that has been assigned to heaven press 5, then enter his social security # followed by the pound sign. If you receive a negative response, please hang up and dial area code 666.

For reservations to Heaven, please enter JOHN followed by the numbers, 3:16.

For answers to nagging questions about dinosaurs, Adolf Hitler, life and other planets, please wait until you arrive in heaven for the specifics.

Our computers show that you have already been prayed for today, please hang up and call again tomorrow.The office is now closed for the weekend to observe a religious holiday.

If you are calling after hours and need emergency assistance, please contact your local pastor.

Thank you and have a wonderful day!


25 comments:

Tubby said...

I can't believe what I'm seeing and hearing:Christian humour, Elvis, and whole lot of other things!!!

Your site makes my paltry little effort small in my own eyes.

Great Job!!! Great Site!!!

Pennys from Heaven said...

LOVE your post!! What great insite you have! Hope all is well in the tropics...

Ok, how is everyone getting the audios up!!???!!!

Peg

droma said...

Enid,
SIMPLY WOW!!!!!
What a fantastic mind you have!!!
Ellen
OOOXXOOO :-)

Michael Manning said...

How about Elvis' last live version of "My Way"! I loved this!! LMAO!!!

willemina said...

Hi Enid...
Thanks for your kind comments on my blog...so glad you enjoyed the latest pictures of Sylvia and I having fun in LA...and we did have fun!
I love this week's playlist...I'll have to change my Hotel California as it's been playing over a week now :)
Hi Peg...
Enid's daughter Joanne has instructed all of us in how to post music...it's another fun thing to do in blogging...

Pennys from Heaven said...

Ok Willy...so how do I post music.

I would need a set of instructions double spaced, large font and in terms I can understand, not any of the modern mumo jumbo...LOL.

Later
Peg

p.s. Enid....can you email me a copy of the how to's sometime...no hurry.....Maybe this winter over Christmas Break. (how's that for being bossy...) LOL. Just kidding.

I am sooo tired, working on a research paper to test a hypothesis and I am exhausted....I do think of you in this hurricane season and hope you are OK, keep us posted on the weather PLEASE!!

Peg

willemina said...

Hi Peg...I sent you an e-mail with the instructions I received from Joanne re how to post music on your blog...it's really fairly easy and another fun thing to take up our precious time :)

Tubby said...

Thank you for your gracious comments at my blog concerning my bereavement.


Any queries you daughter, Pet Lover, has are welcome and I will do the best I can do to help her. If she has questions concerning the free product or something else related to
the product I would appreciate it if the questions are asked in the "comments" of "Get A Free Photoshop!" General statements about the free Photoshop can be made anywere, such as you did. I love your attitude
about her computer use. It is very loving.

I have some queries about something I saw and loved at your blog but don't know how to go about using the basic principles involed so that I could use what I am referring to in principle in another area at my blog. Right now my hectic schedule tells me not to persue the queries at the moment but eventually I will.

Dr. Deborah Serani said...

Enid,
This was sooooo delightful. What a great job putting it all together.

~Deb

HeiressChild said...

hi enid,

this is so good. gives us something to really think about, doesn't it? i'm so glad that God is an ever-present, all-knowing, all-powerful God who never sleeps nor slumbers, and is here for us always, even in our darkest hours. sooooooo glad we don't literally have to call Him on a phone; how frustrating that would be sometimes. good humor.

sylvia

Pennys from Heaven said...

Hello Enid: Next blogging question, on the links...how do you add those? I have a few I want to add. I added LINKS to my post...but that is not what I think I need to do...is it on the template? And where? Learning a few new things is giving me some "bogLIFE" again!! :)

Hope your weather is treating you kind!

Peg

Meow said...

Just dropping by to wish you a happy weekend.
Take care, Meow

HeiressChild said...

hi enid, what a great idea of us communicating with the mikes. yes, if you have a mike connected to your computer, and we're on the same instant messenger, we'll be able to communicate verbally with each other. my nephew and i do it sometimes. karrene and karyce could only hear me because they didn't have a mike to talk back with me. looks like you and i have finally found a way to talk without it costing us a lot of money.

i use yahoo messenger with voice and msn messenger with voice. it has to be those versions, which download with no cost. yahoo and hotmail are both free. here's almost talking to you!

sylvia

Tubby said...

"Our computers show that you have already been prayed for today, please hang up and call again tomorrow"

Re:

Since I have been told to hang up by
Heaven and try again tomorrow, I guess I will come over and talk to you. And tell you that I count myself a fortunate man to have met you in cyberspace. I have the feeling that as
time goes by we are going to become good friends.

Oh by the way, you are now a board member of the Popcorn and Gravy Movie Club. Congratulations!!!

lol,
your friend Tubby

willemina said...

Hello Enid...I learned something new from Sylvia today...
To keep the music playing while you read the comments...go to change settings...click on comments...then click yes to show comments in a pop up window...this also brings your comments to the bottom so you don't have to scroll down each time...Viola!

willemina said...

Don't forget to save the settings...

Phil said...

Brilliant! Very funny!

Sanjay said...

I would need a set of instructions double spaced large font and in terms I can understand,

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