EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
- You stand naked in front of a mirror and can see your rear end without turning around.
- Carrots are good for your eyes, yet all you see are many dead rabbits on the highway
- You realize you get to choose from just two people for president and 50 for Miss America
- You begin to notice that people who spend money on beer, cigarettes, and lottery tickets are always complaining about being broke and not feeling well
- Having a smoking section in a restaurant is rather like having a peeing section in a swimming pool
- You realize that most nudists are people you really don't want to see naked anyway
The next time you feel like complaining remember: Your garbage disposal probably eats better than thirty percent of the people in this world.
Every time you walk into a singles bar remember Mom's wise words: "Don't pick that up, you don't know where it's been."THIS IS SOME GOOD ADVICE! If a dog was the teacher you would learn stuff like:
- When loved ones come home, always run to greet them.
- Never pass up the opportunity to go for a joyride.
- Allow the experience of fresh air and the wind in your face to be pure ecstasy.
- When it's in your best interest, practice obedience.
- Let others know when they've invaded your territory.
- Take naps. Stretch before rising. Run, romp, and play daily.
- Thrive on attention and let people touch you.
- Avoid biting when a simple growl will do.
- On warm days, stop to lie on your back on the grass.
- On hot days, drink lots of water and lie under a shady tree.
- When you're happy, dance around and wag your entire body.
- No matter how often you're scolded, don't buy into the guilt thing and pout..! run right back and make friends.
- Delight in the simple joy of a long walk.
- Eat with gusto and enthusiasm.
- Stop when you have had enough.
- Be loyal. Never pretend to be something you're not.
- If what you want lies buried, dig until you find it.
- When someone is having a bad day, be silent, sit close by and nuzzle them gently.
1. Kidnappers are not very interested in you.
2. In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.
3. No one expects you to run into a burning building.
4. People call at 9 p.m. and ask, "Did I wake you?"
5. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.
6. There's nothing left to learn the hard way.
7. Things you buy now won't wear out.
8. You can eat dinner at 4:00 p.m.
9. You enjoy hearing about other people's operations.
10. You get into a heated argument about pension claims.
11. You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it.
12. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
13. You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room.
14. You sing along with the elevator music.
15. Your eyes won't get much worse.
16. Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.
17. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the National Weather Service.
18. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.
19. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to a manageable size.
20. You can't remember who sent you this list.
Thanks everyone! Have a heavenly day.